How would the Customs procedure differ for a VWP-ineligible British tourist entering the US by land from Canada vs. by air from the UK?

I am a British citizen by birth and I have just found out that my great-grandmother is very ill in hospital. She is an American citizen by birth and has lived there for most of her life. I also have some extended family in the US. My mum and grandmother are flying to the US from the UK on ESTA's within the next week to visit my great-grandmother.
I also want to see her but I have a few relatively recent criminal convictions (about 2-3 years ago). Previously I had never had a criminal record whatsoever, and I am in my 30's. Without going into great detail and at the risk of sounding like I am making excuses for the things that I did wrong, all of these convictions (approximately 8) were amassed within a 2-month period due to my personal circumstances at the time. The offenses include common assault and a few cases of driving under the influence of drugs.
I have long completed all of the requirements of my probation order and I believe the convictions are now classed as 'spent' in the UK; however I understand that this has no bearing in the US.
I am a skilled professional, have my own house, and I have been in full-time employment for 1 year in a senior role. My demeanor is now nothing like what it was at the time of those offenses (despite the inferences you might draw from the undertone of this question!)
After reading some pages on the ESTA website, CBP website and some .gov links, they recommend not attempting to travel on an ESTA under the Visa Waiver Program if you have ever been arrested, cautioned, or convicted; and to instead apply for a Visa.
My question is: if I was to enter the US by car from Canada, would this alleviate some of the usual background checks etc? I would be given an I-94W form. I have read some threads on here and heard bits of hearsay from people stating that the Customs procedure is far more relaxed when entering the US by road; even as far as saying that a quick passport check was all that was asked of them when entering. Is any of this true? If so, to what extent?
In what other ways would entering by land differ from entering by air?
Which border crossings (if any) might be stricter than others with their checks?
Are there any sections of the US-Canada border that can be freely crossed on foot? I.e. without a Customs office, not separated by a fence or wall, etc. For example areas with mountainous or otherwise difficult to cross terrain? I know I am really stretching it here...
Any answers at all or bits of advice in the comments would be very much appreciated. No matter how pessimistic your comment or answer is! Anything is really appreciated, because I'm completely clueless to it all at the moment and I don't know who else I'd ask given the timeframe. To be quite frank, if a particular "solution" means that I will run the risk of not being allowed to return to the US but grants me entry for 4 days (or even 1), then that's fine too. Even if it means I have to take a route or follow an itinerary that would add a week to the journey.
As it stands, I think I would need to go to the US Consulate in London to try to get an expedited visa to fly by air; but this could be refused and I assume this would then show up on the system when my passport is checked if I subsequently tried to enter by road.
I don't want to go about things the wrong way (I have genuinely learned from my experiences a few years ago) but I will do anything if it means I can see my great-grandmother, e.g. maybe there is some option to enter for the purpose of transiting the US only; in order to reduce the travel time of a particular route through Canada by car?
I am trying to get to the Mid-West of the US.
Thanks a lot for any help or advice you can give me - I really do appreciate it a lot!
Best Answer
On entry into the US by land you will be required to complete a green I94W form.
One of the questions on this form asks if you have had any arrests for crimes involving moral turpitude or any drugs offenses, which you will have to answer "Yes" to.
Given these crimes were recent, and especially given the nature of them that you have mentioned (assault and drugs crimes are two hot-zones for US immigration) you will almost certainly be refused entry and returned to Canada. (This presumes that you were even allowed into Canada in the first place, which would require the pre-approval of an eTA, the Canadian equivalent of an ESTA).
Your best option right now is to attempt to apply for an ESTA, and answer the questions on the form honestly. If your ESTA is approved, then you can travel to the US and you will most likely have no issues entering the country.
However realistically the odds of your ESTA being approved are low, and you will be required to apply for a US visa at at US consulate. Here's where the story gets worse - odds are your visa application will be denied. You may then be allowed to apply for a waiver of ineligibility, however this will likely take 3-6 months to receive a decision, and there's still a real chance it will still be denied.
Of course, all of this is based on your basic description of your offenses. It's possible an ESTA will be approved, and if not it's possible that a visa will be approved - the only way to find out is to try and apply. As long as you are truthful in answering the questions, the odds of having issues at the border once either an ESTA or visa are approved is extremely low.
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Is the UK part of the VWP?
**To be eligible to travel under the VWP, British citizens must have the unrestricted right of permanent abode in England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, the Channel Islands, and the Isle of Man.Is Canada a VWP country?
Permanent residents (landed immigrants) of Canada must have a nonimmigrant visa unless the permanent resident is a national of a country that participates in the Visa Waiver Program (VWP), meets the VWP requirements, and is seeking to enter the United States for 90 days or less under that program.What is a VWP country?
The Visa Waiver Program (VWP), administered by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) in consultation with the State Department, permits citizens of 40 countries to travel to the United States for business or tourism for stays of up to 90 days without a visa.Who is eligible for VWP?
Visa Waiver Program EligibilityYou are a citizen of a Visa Waiver Program country. You do not have a Visitor Visa. You are planning to stay in the United States for 90 days or less. You are traveling to the United States for business or tourism purposes.Customs \u0026 Immigration 7 QUESTIONS |English At The Airport!
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